Dear Jennifer Aniston: I’ll Help You Simplify Your Life

Original Post:

by Amy Preiser, Posted May 3rd 2011 8:00AM

Jennifer Aniston finally, officially lists her Los Angeles home, saying she needs to “simplify.” Jen, why didn’t you tell us earlier? We could have saved you the trouble of listing. Here’s how:

Dear Jennifer,

Hey girl! Loving your hair. Really. Rachel who? OK, so seriously. I hear you’ve officially listed your house for $42 million over at AOL Real Estate. Kind of a lot, don’t you think? I mean, I know you told People that you needed to simplify your life and clear our the clutter…but did you really have to throw the baby out with the bathwater? I mean, your house is pretty amazing. Remember when it was on the cover of Architectural Digest? I do.

But oh, Jen, selling your house isn’t the only way to simplify after living in a gigantic Zen-inspired house. You should have come to me! I could help you go through, room-by-room, making things a little easier. Let’s start with the exterior. This is easy. You could have just cut down all that stunning landscaping. Super simple.

Right when you walk in, you’ve got those gigantic mirrors. And right in those gigantic mirrors? Your perfect face. Too much perfect, right? Let’s take those guys down. No need to compete with the massive glass chandelier and stone walls.

As for this gigantic powder room, the answer is so clear: Take those lightbulbs off of the mirrors. It looks like a talk show dressing room (or at least what they look like on TV). Everything else here is pretty calm so as soon as those movie star bulbs are out of there, you’ll feel totally at ease.

A 24-person dining table? Come on, now. let’s get you something a little smaller. And while we’re at it, get those pool lights out so that the backyard is dark at night — not glowing, like fairies are splashing around.

Jen, no wonder you couldn’t sleep. This kitchen looks like it belongs in a restaurant, not your lovely home. I can imagine how stressful it must have felt having this kind of pressure in your house. Just close the door to this room and only go out to eat from now on.

Phew! See, all better. You don’t have to sell to get simplicity in your life. But hey, if you still want to sell, I’m totally happy to take this off your hands for a, um, smaller price than $42 million. Think about it?


And check out AOL Real Estate for more Jennifer Aniston comings-and-goings
Look Inside Jennifer Aniston’s Home
Jennifer Aniston Buys Pair of Posh New York Condos:


About Coldwell Banker Action Realty
Coldwell Banker Action Realty is a full-service real estate firm focusing on Hernando, Pasco, Hillsborough and Pinellas Counties in the Tampa Bay area. We stress professionalism, integrity, and excellence in customer service. We would be pleased to assist you with purchasing or selling a property, renting a home, or marketing and managing your investment property.

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